a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize