Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
