Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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