I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
