I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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