you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
