I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
