Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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