New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
