just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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