Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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