dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
