No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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