her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
