my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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