Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
