well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
