the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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