This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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