i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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