I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize