My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
