I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
