I feel like abortions should bother me more
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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