i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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