You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
