"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
