I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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