ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
