it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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