you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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