I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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