she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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