Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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