Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
