Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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