My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize