you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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