She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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