I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize