Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
