three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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