How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
