why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
