So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
