she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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