I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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