Rock
Scissors
Fuck
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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