i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This girl is more easily done than said...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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