Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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