ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
