This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize