Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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