i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
