Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
