and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
