i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
