You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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