My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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