I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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