You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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